I often feel like a broken record because when people ask me how I am my automatic response is always ‘tired’ and that’s because I feel tired most of the time. I remember after I had Squirm, so two children, I was so continuously tired that I went to the doctor to see if something was wrong. She did all the blood tests which were normal and then told me that of course I was tired I had two kids under the age of two. Just a little warning, here comes an extremely condescending statement to those of you who don’t have kids; you don’t know what tired really is until you have kids. There is no catch up sleep; if you miss it, it is gone forever. You are tired when you get up, after lunch, when you go to bed and in the middle of the night. And when you do sleep it is never deep. I have been waking up to the neighbour’s newborn who is as quiet as a cat purring outside the window, I guess I am just programmed now to jump to attention at the sound of a child crying.

I am starting to realise that being tired is no anomaly that excuses inaction (I know it has taken me a while to get to this point.) And so I have a new plan, I’m going to pretend. I’m going to pretend that I’ve had eight hours of continuous sleep when I get up in the morning, pretend that I have energy to do all the things that need to be done and play with the kids, pretend that I have patience from being well rested. So if you ask me how I am I will probably say ‘good’ because if I pretend hard enough that I am not tired then maybe, just maybe it might be so, but just to be on the safe side please don’t call me after 9.

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