Growing up I had a secret ambition to be a sports commentator, cricket in particular. What could be better than travelling all around the world watching sport and pretending to be an expert on it? Unfortunately I don’t have a penis and so that ambition fell by the wayside and life progressed. To my surprise the other day I started listening to what I was saying during my day, usually I just talk rubbish and try to ignore myself, but I realised that I was commentating my entire day. It was as if I was the star athlete involved in a riveting game in which the audience (my children) had to hear every detail.

‘Mummy is going to make some lunch, Mummy is just cutting up some cheese, Mummy is going to the toilet, Mummy needs a rest, Mummy is just putting on some music because Mummy likes music.’ It went on and on, the most banal sentences ever uttered, referring to myself in third person and in great detail. Occasionally I even dropped stats; ‘This is the third time Mummy has changed your pooey nappy today with only a 33% record of not getting poo on her hands.’

Of course my commentary is greatly helped by prompts from the little ones; ‘What’s this? What are you doing? Where are you going?’ So I apologise to all of you who have fallen victim to the most banal commentary ever, I will try and lift my game, have more courage, give 110%, run on all cylinders and above all fight against all odds.

Filed under:
mums life by chelle