The time has come for me to return to paid work. What is consuming my thoughts? Leaving my precious, dependent baby.
I know that I am lucky that it’s only one day a week (as many mother’s have to return full time), and I know I’m lucky that it will be my mum who cares for Milla for the day, but I can’t stop the feeling of a heavy heart and the sick feeling in my stomach whenever I imagine myself walking out the door on that first day back.
Friends and family all believe it will be good for me to have something to break up my week, to have something of my own, and to feel like I’m contributing financially again. I agree with all these comments, yet that protective instinct kicks in and my strong belief that ‘no one can care for my baby as well as I do’ seems to shadow those positive aspects.
My husband’s wise words were something to this effect: “Milla will have no idea Aim. She wont suffer with you gone for 8 hours…it’s only hard for you, not her. In fact, it will be good for her to experience other people for a change.” And he added, “And as much as I like baked beans on toast, this really can’t go on for much longer! We do need the money.”
I guess I will have to break the tie at some stage (with Milla, that is, not the beans). She can’t be at school age with me hanging onto her leg saying, “No, I forbid you! You can’t leave!”
I wonder if there is ever an easy age to leave your child? I do hear the ‘terrible two’s’ is wrought with negative emotions and comments like, “I will sell you on Ebay – you’d better behave!” Maybe mother’s of children at this age find leaving a breeze?
Motherhood really is the most miraculous experience though. I never imagined such a strong, protective bond could be possible.

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