My name is Julie and I am pleased to be a new contributor to Mr Wrigglebot. I would like to say I will be witty, articulate and entertaining in talking about my life with my 7-week-old son Archer, however, there is one problem with this: my brain is mush. So instead, my aim is to pull aside the curtains of life with a baby and invite you to peep in every once in a while. Although I cannot guarantee it won’t involve poo.

Over the last seven weeks of raising my little bundle of sunshine and stinkyness, I have made a discovery, and that is that babies have Magical Powers. Despite the fact that they can barely see three feet in front of their face, can’t put a coherent sentence together and don’t yet have control of their bodily functions, with these Powers they are easily able to bring a fully grown adult to their knees and turn them into a quivering, sleep-deprived, adoring mess of a slave.

Babies’ Magical Powers include:

1. The Power to Alter Time.
This power is utilised by babies while they sleep (time travels at double speed), when they are awake at 4am (one-third speed) and while you are trying to get ready to go out (the blink of an eye).

2. The Power of Projectile Poo.
This power may be sprung on you at any nappy change, but is often utilised after all have bathed, are wearing clean clothes and are about to go out to an important appointment. It may cause you to cry hysterically, laugh hysterically, or to decide you needed new carpet anyway. It may also cause unwanted poo in the belly button (yours).

3. The Power of Cuteness.
Do not underestimate this power. It has been known to cause otherwise sensible people to make clown-like facial expressions and say “Goo-goo”. If you see this happen to someone you know, do not try to intervene as you may be told you are a “silly-billy” and have your cheek chucked.

4. The Power of Sleep-Deprivation.
Babies use this power relentlessly because they know a befuddled, sleep-deprived person is easier to manipulate with their other powers.

5. The Power of the Baby Smile
This is the strongest power of all and all attempts by parents to resist it will inevitably fail. It is used to instantaneously gain the upper hand in any situation, for example:

Parent: “But I just changed you!!” / “Thanks for that deposit on the shoulder of my new designer kaftan” / “PLEEEASE GO TO SLEEEEP!!!”
Baby: *smile*
Parent: “Awwwwww…”

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