6. The Power of the Sixth Sense
Babies like to continually remind their parents that they are the most, if not only important thing their time should be occupied with. They do this by using their special sixth sense to monitor your activities while they’re napping, and respond by waking up if you’re doing something too non-them-related, for example at the exact moment your butt hits the chair at the dinner table, the times you’re engaging in some friendly one-on-one time with your partner, or the moment the creme brulee is about to reach the point of perfect goldenness. Kidding. I’ve forgotten what creme brulee is.

7. The Power of the Attention Vacuum
Babies possess a kind of ‘attention vacuum’ which they use to suck all the attention in the room towards their person and hijack all conversations. Can work in your favour this festive season when a relative asks you if you liked the Ped Egg they got you for Christmas – simply exclaim in a loud voice to no-one in particular, ‘Oh look! He smiled at you!”, then sit back and let the attention vacuum do it’s work.

8. The Power to Attract Strangers
You’ve always got new friends everywhere you go when you’ve got a baby. This power seems more effective on old ladies. Must be something about the bald head.

9. The Power to Turn Parents Invisible
Where people once greeted you with arms outstretched, the arms now reach out towards your little bundle of joy.This power may be a problem for some attention-loving types but for others it can be a welcome respite to let baby do the socialising and to become slightly invisible. Especially when you’ve got baby vomit down one shoulder and poo on your left sleeve.

10. The Power of Throwing Life into Sharp Perspective
Once upon a time, things used to be important. Career, parties, meeting people, study, hobbies, travelling… all used to seem like rather exciting and desirable pursuits. But when a little stink bomb cute-head dribbler storms into your life, this power comes over you like a magic spell, and suddenly those things don’t matter any more. Now the most important things aren’t the things you do for you anymore, but what you’re doing for him, and not just in caring for his physical needs, but in teaching him about life and how to live it. Helping a new little human grow into the best human he can be. And you know you’re doing one of the greatest and most exciting things that perhaps can be done. Bring on the powers, baby.

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