My sister laughed but I was crushed. We had hiked up this mountain, okay it was really just a large hill, and I was breathing hard but trying not to show it, ‘Kathryn,’ I said, ‘At the age of 23 I’ve just realised that I’m not going to be famous.’ Then her laughter came.

‘No really,’ I said, ‘I think I’m just going to live life like everybody else, I think I’ve blown my chance to be extraordinary, I’m too old.’
‘I can’t believe you ever thought that you would be famous. What would you be famous for?’ Despite her tone of mocking I felt compelled to bare my heart.

‘I don’t know for sure but ever since I was a kid I just knew I would be. At first I was going to be an olympic swimmer, then represent Australia in the netball, then as I got a bit older I thought I might be a doctor or politician. Now though I have to face up to facts and settle into my life of mediocrity. My choices have been made and I have given up dreams of fame I am going to be normal.’

She continued laughing, unable to accept that I was being serious. ‘The only other person I know who dares to seriously think that they could be famous is Simon.’ She speaks of my esteemed husband a budding film director.

‘I think that’s why we ended up together,’ I reply, ‘so we can leach off each other’s prospective fame. Seriously though, didn’t you ever dream of being famous?’

‘Well, yeah, until I was about ten.’ Then she started running down the hill and I scrambled to follow. She kept repeating the story in the weeks that followed as a humorous anecdote at parties and social gatherings and lots of people laughed. I would try and laugh with them but I could only manage a little chuckle, not a full throated burst.

I had done a lot in my 23 years, I completed high school with high enough grades to do whatever I wanted so I did an arts degree and then fell into teaching. I had travelled overseas studying and touring and then come home to get married and get a mortgage. It wasn’t as if I was unhappy with my life, I just couldn’t help thinking what if… What if I had studied aeronautical science, what if I had waited to get married, what if I had done my PhD, what if I wasn’t pregnant now?

That was sixteen months ago, I now have my little baby, Mr. Wrigglebot, Ford. I thought my life was going to be normal for evermore but now it is beautiful and chaotic and also strangely what most other mums go through; so it is normal, but normal isn’t so bad is it?

Filed under:
children, mums life by chelle